Relationships are easier said than done.

Sometime has past since my last update, I guess everythings' happened in a sort of whirlwind fashion.
My fancy for this boy is just the same, in fact, it may have grown stronger, it's weird how getting to know someone can scare the crap out of you but you can't get enough it at the same time.
It sort of reminds me of the twilight phenomenon, but I guess in a sway it completely contrast to that being that the two main boy characters in that were extremely beautiful. However, it does realign with it when it comes to the denial part, I did try my best to keep away from him at first, but somehow I felt myself drawn to him subconsciously, without concious consent.
Lately, I have taken to making an effort for school, not just waking up, getting dressed then dragging myself in the school doors (usually somewhat late) but the night before, actually creating a specific list for what I would like to take to school the next morning, waking up at the time I planned to and not just putting the alarm clock on snooze, staying up into the early hours so that I can curl my hair and have it in perfect long whirls in the morning. I was never much of a makeup person, only now and again applying it, but now it has become routine, foundation, blusher, eyeshadow, mascara, lipgloss, eyeliner.
Don't get me wrong, I do not apply these in large amounts, I'm not aiming to become a tart, I'm aiming to make an impression, I guess, I'm sort of succeeding.
So lets give this guy a name - lets call him `E` - there's no particular reason for this nickname, it isn't an initial of his, just a random letter that I have applied to him and use for his `code name`.

I've watched quite a few rom-coms, enjoying them completely, but the character that bugged me most in some of these, really irked me, was the bitch who would use boys just to make others jealous, I've never even considered anything like this, but lately temptation has got me, as I have an ex boyfriend who is now best friends with `E` - this is just another letter into this stupid, confusing, unfair maths equation which has come to pass in real life, as hard as I try to expel the idea from my mind, knowing deep down it would be degrading to do that to myself and ultimately hurtful to the other boy in question.
Relationships are certainly easier said than done, I know that and I'm not even in one.

Intorduction to my teenage crisis.

Confusion is a word which has constantly been in my mind lately, scaring me out of my wits.

My slightly conceited mind finds itself in deep trouble, the trouble which embarrassing change is bringing, whether I agree to it or not.

I was always very strong in my opinion which had been almost been drummed into me by my dear family, never to get to close to boys at such a young age, to wait, rely on friends instead of boyfriends - but sometimes, one finds, that things are easier said than done.

For your information only, I'm a Scottish teenager, in my fourth year of high school and beginning to truly enjoy it - but lately something has caught my mind which I'm really not very happy or understanding about.

A boy who I had never once looked at before has began to catch my eye, and I think I'm catching his. We are brought together by the simple stupid timetables the school has drawn up unknowing of the catastrophe they were causing for me.

In several of his classes, and as this year we moved into a new school, everyone, classes changed around, changing seating positions with them, pushing us closer together, and making me see the personality in him which has always made me turn my eyes to other guys.

My eyes are drawn to him, his natural hilarity making me want him to constantly be at my side, cheering me up. Shocking me somewhat that I never noticed him before, ignored him completely, just as he did me.

There is something different about this like for him though, it's not my usual looks based assessment, this is complicated and unbalanced equation my mind can't quite seem to work out, it shouldn't create the answer it has created but it does.

The guy I'm typing about, well, to put it plainly, he's ugly. And I am absolutely dumbfounded as to how I managed to take notice of him.

Conceited and stupid and yes it's rude, but it's the way things are.


This is my real life troubles, written for everyone to see.